Step-parenting has been one of the most profound and meaningful experiences of my life. It’s often seen as a balancing act—juggling roles, emotions, and relationships in a blended family—but the reality is far deeper. For those of us who have raised stepchildren, the bonds we build often go beyond what words like “step” or “biological” can capture.
Over three decades, I’ve had the privilege of helping raise seven stepchildren. Though I was never able to have biological children, my stepkids became my whole world. Watching them grow, develop, and flourish has been as fulfilling as any parent’s journey. When relationships with their parents ended, however, it wasn’t just the romantic relationship that changed—sometimes, the connection with my stepchildren was disrupted as well.
That loss isn’t a relief, as some might think. Instead, it feels like losing a part of your heart. People may assume that step-parents see separation as an escape from responsibility, but for many of us, it’s the opposite. We miss our kids just as deeply as any parent would. Step-parenting isn’t a secondary role; it’s parenting in every sense of the word.
When those bonds are tested by separation or divorce, the road to maintaining a connection can be challenging. Legal systems don’t often account for the love and dedication step-parents have given, leaving our relationships dependent on the willingness of others or the children themselves. For me, staying in my stepkids’ lives has required patience, understanding, and showing up consistently, no matter the circumstances.
There were lonely days and nights, times of uncertainty, and moments when I questioned if I’d ever reconnect with some of the kids I helped raise. But when those relationships were rebuilt, the rewards were immeasurable. It doesn’t matter that they’re adults now; seeing them thrive fills me with pride and joy, just as it did when they were children.
Parenting—step or biological—is a commitment, and love is what truly defines a family. My stepkids mean the world to me, and I cherish every moment I’ve had with them. If you’re a step-parent going through a separation, I want to remind you to stay hopeful. Bonds built on love don’t disappear, even in difficult times. If you keep showing up, those connections can continue to grow.
On a personal note, I’d like to wish my youngest stepdaughter, Dessy, a very special Happy Golden Birthday! She turned 19 on the 19th of November, and I couldn’t be prouder of the amazing young woman she’s become. Here’s to you, Dessy—you’ve brought so much light into my life.
With love and gratitude,
John O.
