To the Editor:
I’ve come to a curious realization during my frequent Netflix binges: there seems to be a secret, sacred ratio that Netflix must maintain between Denzel Washington and Ryan Reynolds movies. As if the cosmic balance of the universe rests on this delicate scale of action-packed brilliance and wisecracking charisma.
I’ll be scrolling through my list, finally in the mood for a little Denzel – something serious, something profound, like Training Day or The Equalizer. And wouldn’t you know it? Just as I click to start, it’s suddenly vanished into thin air, like an overly complicated heist scene from Inside Man. Poof! In its place? A new Ryan Reynolds flick, maybe 6 Underground or Red Notice, where he’s charmingly smirking his way through explosions and sarcasm.
This can’t be a coincidence, right? It’s as if Netflix operates on some mysterious algorithm that keeps these two titans of cinema in constant rotation. For every Denzel thriller we gain, we lose a Ryan Reynolds action-comedy, and vice versa. Like they’re preventing some sort of cultural collapse by making sure we never have too much of either. You get your high-octane action with a side of Reynolds’ quips, but not before Netflix carefully swaps out your dose of Washington’s gravitas.
It’s maddening, frustrating even! I mean, is there a secret formula Netflix is following? Have their data scientists concocted a perfect Denzel-to-Reynolds ratio, one they dare not disrupt? A 3:2? A 4:1? Are they worried that if the balance tips too far one way, we’ll either become too introspective and serious, or laugh ourselves into oblivion?
Netflix, if you’re reading this, I’d love some transparency. And while you’re at it, can we please get a brief moment where both Safe House and Deadpool are available at the same time? I’m just saying – a little more balance might save me a lot of frustration (and endless scrolling).
Sincerely, A Disgruntled Streamer with Too Much Time on His Hands.
