It’s a strange time to be alive in America, where the line between reality and satire has eroded like a coastal town battered by decades of storms. The year is 2024, and somewhere, deep in the bowels of Washington—or perhaps Wilmington—Joe Biden, the President-Who-Still-Is (we think), is hosting what can only be described as a surrealist game show. The premise? Pardons for prizes. Prisoners shuffle forward like contestants on a sadistic spin of The Price is Right, nervously clutching their crimes in hand as though they were lotto tickets, hoping “Crooked Joe” will grant them freedom—or at least an autographed ice cream cone for consolation.
But let’s not get distracted by Biden’s carnival sideshow. No, the real question on everyone’s lips is: Where is Kamala Harris? The Vice President has gone missing—not physically, of course. She still makes the occasional public appearance, fumbling through talking points like a B-movie actress trying to make sense of an incoherent script. But spiritually, politically, economically? AWOL. Harris has been notably absent from the nation’s collective consciousness, her once-ambitious role now reduced to a whisper behind Biden’s roar—or was it a mumble?
If Harris is making history, it’s not the kind her PR team would want etched into the annals of time. For the first time in American history, her campaign has driven her into debt, a baffling feat considering her access to billionaire donors and the Democratic Party machine. But mismanagement seems to be the theme here, doesn’t it? After all, this administration has treated the U.S. budget like a trust fund piggy bank—a bottomless well of money that isn’t theirs. It’s yours. Every bailout, every pardon, every poorly disguised vote-buying scheme is funded by taxpayers who are now struggling under the weight of rising inflation, sky-high interest rates, and a national debt ballooning faster than a Vegas blimp.
And while the administration claims to be “serving the American people,” the reality is a far cry from their lofty campaign promises. Instead of working-class relief, we’re getting a masterclass in grift. The Bidens have turned Washington into their own personal Monopoly board, where every move is calculated to serve their interests—pardon alley, corporate kickbacks, and a trail of breadcrumbs leading directly to the family coffers. Accountability? A laughable concept when the judge, jury, and executioner are all players in the same corrupt game.
So where does that leave us? With a president whose priorities seem to oscillate between polishing his legacy and indulging in meaningless spectacles, and a vice president who seems more suited for a witness protection program than the second-highest office in the land. Meanwhile, the American people are left with the bill, the broken promises, and the bitter realization that they turned a blind eye to the very thing they feared most—a government serving itself at the expense of its citizens.
Let it sink in, America. This is the state of the union: pardons for prizes, Harris in hiding, and a trust fund mentality that’s pushing the country closer to the edge. And yet, the question remains: How much longer will we tolerate the con?